Skip to main content

About your Search

COM 46
English 46
Search Results 0 to 45 of about 46 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Mar 1, 2012 1:00am PST
. tell us the results. >> we at fox news can project that mitt romney will easily win arizona. >> jon: yes, romney wins arizona by 9:00! finally a primary night that ends early. going to bed without having to wait up and think about all the... >> in michigan, romney's native state, he holds a slight lead over santorum but it's too early to project. >> jon: michigan! (laughter) oh, i'm michigan! (laughter) i'm slow in my primary results! i'm your upper peninsula. (laughter) i got my results in early. you're not densely populated! well you're not densely... (laughter). (cheers and applause) >> jon: for you kids at home that didn't understand what just happened, my hand just (bleep)ed. (laughter) yes, as it turned out, michigan was not called until well after 10:30 p.m. which meant the 24-hour networks had some time on their hands. of course, being serious news networks and realizing in the grand scheme of things a near tie in a state primary that assigns delegates proportionately isn't all that important, they filled that time with in-depth reports on syria and the geopolitical ramifica
Comedy Central
Mar 7, 2012 11:00pm PST
. >> if santorum can win in ohio, he will survive. >> if mitt romney wins ohio, he takes a giant step forward. >> if santorum can squeak this guy... >> if romney wins in ohio... >> santorum can't afford to lose ohio. >> if romney wins ohio. >> if santorum wins there, the whole omlette is up in the air. it may land on the floor. [laughter] >> jon: you have run out of metaphors. the omlette? what, are you staying at a hotel where an omlette bar? the omlette bar. ohio, huh? so that's it. so ohio is the decisive state. whoever wins that one, that's it. and if i'm not mistaken... >> romney delaird the winner in ohio. >> oh, okay. thanks for coming. that's a wrap. we're just going to sit back. show's over plsm romney, good luck in the general election. i'm going to smoke my pipe and watch book notes as i do unwinding after a hard day at the satire factory, unless... >> romney eked out the win in ohio. >> he barely won in the all-important state of ohio. >> mitt romney won the map but he lost the momentum. >> he could not deliver a knock-out punch. >> the republican race far from over, folks. [laugh
Comedy Central
Mar 27, 2012 11:00pm PDT
when i go home. i'm not sure yet. >> jon: what you think of mitt romney he's a step up from the taco mayor. it was pretty clear it was primarily meant in romney's record on health care. it wasn't the most artful phrasing but you would you haveo go out of the way to misrepresent it. let's do that. >> you said mitt romney was the wore the republican in the country. >> what speech did you listen to? >> right here. >> stop lying. i said he was the worst republican to run on the issue of obamacare and that's what i was talking about. >> jon: arrrhg. i'm angry. agggrrr. i kind of like guy with a little fire in his belly. probably not going to push tight far, right, rick? >> to run against the barack obama on the issue of health care. i've been saying it in every speech quit distorting my words. if i see it, it's (bleep). >> jon: i did not see that coming. rick santorum a conservative swearing at a reporter. i think this is how he should talk from now on. i believe life begins at (bleep) conception. you got a problem with that (bleep). boom! [ laughter ] arrrrggghh,. i just wanted to see th
Comedy Central
Feb 29, 2012 6:00pm PST
we do. i'm going to say romney won arizona handelly but the big result was michigan where all four candidates were defeated by a late surprise entrance the schitcy when from i understand he made impressive promises. >> when you order the schitky you get the little one. >> jon: it's a populous message that resonates in the difficult yet schmootzy times. romney kept putting his foot in the mouth he hired sew own mouth doesn't get feet in it and santorum released a robo call telling democratic voters to vote for him since michigan's republican party is open to all voters and mitt romney didn't care for the tactic. >> outrageous and disgusting. it's a new low in this campaign. i think rick santorum has a lot of explaining to do. >> jon: you've got a lot of splaining to do, the close et he will get to the it will tino vote. what are the odds of the tape existing of mitt romney endorsing that very same practice, perhaps my mitt romney flip-flop finder -- [ laughter ] -- knows the answer. >> in massachusetts if you register as an independent, you can vote in either the republican or democ
Comedy Central
Mar 12, 2012 11:00pm PDT
in alabama and mississippi we're going to check in with mitt romney's southern strategy and how it's developing. >> good morning, y'all. good to be with you. >> jon: you didn't have to do this. >> i got started right with a biscuit and some cheesy grits. delicious. >> jon: a guy that looks like he just stepped off the monopoly board. do you really think you're going to appeal to southerners by finding reference with them on the issues that matter most to them: their accent and choosing the right breakfast starch? this poor guy. figuratively speaking, contorting himself just to win a few votes. is there anything more pathetic southern fried pandering than grits? >> this place always has a special feeling in my heart because when i grew up i was thinking about davey crockett. remember the song born on a mountain top in tennessee, greenest state in the land of the free. raised in the woods so he knew every tree. and he killed himself a bear when he was only three. davey, davey crockett. remember that? >> jon: no, they don't remember it. they're not 60. you know, you really did nail do
Comedy Central
Mar 14, 2012 11:00pm PDT
the south? well, actually rick santorum won alabama and mississippi, and mitt romney won hawaii and american samoa. here's a little mnemonic device to help you remember. places you can get to in a winnebago go to santorum. places that require a jet or a yacht go to romney. [laughter] romney, of course... [applause] romney always does well with islands. that's where his money lives. so gingrich did not get the thing that he had to have, thus dooming his once-promising campaign. his humble concession last night was hallmark of american... oh, just [bleeped] it. he's acting like he won. >> one of the things tonight proved is that the elite media's effort to convince the nation that mitt romney is inevitable just collapsed. we will now have three or four days of the news media saying, why doesn't gingrich quit. >> jon: these are some of the nation's brightest minds who can't figure out why i, newt gingrich, won't quilt. was it a promise to a sick child? was he told by a wizard if he doesn't stay in the presidential race the world will fall into darkness? is newt's campaign some kind of joaquin p
Comedy Central
Mar 1, 2012 11:00pm PST
and mitt romney is already take two positions on it (laughter) and he took the two positions within three and a half hours of each other. >> -- being debated i believe later this we can, that deals with banning, or allowing employers to ban providing female contraception. >> you have taken a position. >> i'm not for the bill. condition traception is working just fine. let's just leave it alone. >> of course i support the blunt amendment. i thought you were talking about some state law that prevented people from getting contraception. so i talked about contraceptives before. so i really misunderstood the question. >> jon: that is-- i got-- dow-- oxford english dictionary, i submit to you, a new measure of time, the romney. (laughter) jses it's defined as the three and a half hour window in which a grown man running for president can change his deeply held conviction to its opposite. (laughter) let me use it in a sentence for you. oh my god we've been in this [bleep] for two and a half romneys now. (laughter) i need to pee. no, i don't. but it's no wonder a rom nae was confused. the intervi
Comedy Central
Mar 29, 2012 11:00pm PDT
to a second gaffe from another individual. this from the mouth of one mitworth willard romney uny the fourth. >> he is plan on doing more and suggests to russia that he has things he's willing to do with them, he's not willing to tell the american people. this is to russia. this is, without question, our number one geo political foe. >> jon: boo gaffe. words hurt, mitt romney. and i for one want to take this moment to reassure our many, many foes around the world america doesn't play hate favorites. (laughter) you're all number one in your own special way. iran, don't let anyone tell you you are not a real number one foe in our hearts. not to take anything away from china, our number one economic foe or pakistan, our number one foe with benefits. now that's an international incident gaffe. next up, the flashpoint social issue gaffe. >> concerning the tragic shooting of trayvon martin by george zimmerman. >> the florida couple says they are living in fear after someone tweeted their address as the home of george zimmerman. >> jon: what? who would do something that asnine. hopefully it is one
Comedy Central
Mar 6, 2012 11:00pm PST
romney will retref from that bus and posthumously baptize it thus saving its soul. even mel gibson and john galliano are like who, obama take it down. it was surprising that barack obama also apeerd at apac. he's going to tear them a new one. >> israel's security is sack row saingt. it's nonknee ghoshable. it guided my actions as president. >> jon: that sounds pretty nice. this is more positive than i thought. i guess we can sit. >> my administration's commitment to israel security has been unprecedented. we'll do what it takes to preserve israel's quawl tative military edge. there's no lasting peace unless israel's security concerns are met. the chips are down i have israel's back. ♪ i so in love with you [ laughter ] >> jon: get a stooka you two. it's a free standing structure for celebrating the holiday that comem rates the ritual of harvest. the reference would have killed there. i interrupted the president. >> whit comes to preventing iran from getting a nuclear weapon i'll take no options off the table. i mean what i say. it's an political effort, economic effort -- >> jon:
Search Results 0 to 45 of about 46 (some duplicates have been removed)